Transdr: #1 Transgender Dating on the App Store
All of these come with serious problems, heartbreak, even trauma, and danger. As I said, her husband waited a long time for that kiss. A was in her 40s at the time; how many more rounds could she have gone?
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A couple of losses in the long game and you run out of lifetime. I have nothing but respect and admiration for A, but geez, what a risk!
I am 60 years old, and not a woman who is happy being single. My options are quite limited. Dating as an aging woman is very difficult; as an aging straight trans woman, it can be nearly impossible. I have actually had it suggested as a solution that one can have a happy, fulfilling life whilst remaining single.
Though true for some, this strikes me as a bizarre proposal in this context. If society makes it impossible for us to find love, just be celibate, problem solved?
Love and Disclosure as a Trans Woman
Some of us cannot have happy fulfilling lives living alone. Most of us, probably. There are a lot of studies that demonstrate that most people do not, in fact, live healthy lives without a partner. These studies consistently show that, as they age, single people are statistically more isolated, physically and mentally sicker, and live significantly shorter lives than their partnered peers. Humans, it seems, are just not wired to fly solo, and the Western Individualism ideal is probably not healthy.
I myself was brought up in that cultural ideal, and it has not served me well. These beliefs brought me a lot of unhappiness for a long time, and setting aside these beliefs has been a major part of my self-realisation. Trans people, on average, live shorter, sicker lives.
There are a lot of factors assaulting our health and wellbeing. Excuse me if I try to fix that, in any way I can. Cis people get so bat-shit crazy when it comes to us. I reached out to trans psychotherapist, Laura Jacobs , who reiterates the dangers of dating while trans.
Jacobs said there is no easy answer to this dilemma. Both put trans people at risk for emotional and physical violence.
1) Before You Start, Educate Yourself With the Basics
Since you have told me that your relationship is heading in a serious direction, I would advise you to set some time down for you to tell him that you are trans and that your body is probably different from the other women he has dated. My recommendation is to either tell him over the phone or in a public place, like a cafe or restaurant, so others are there to intervene if he gets angry or violent. Your safety is the priority. You should also mentally prepare yourself for the potential reality that after finding out that you are trans, he may no longer be interested.
I hope I have been helpful; this is an issue where the answers are not so black and white. How — and when — do I tell him? Six places to visit that are actually more fun in the winter.
I'm Dating a Transgender: The Trixie Maristela Story
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